My Mind Rejected My Own Mind

Recently I think that I turned out good as well. For being not surrender for living in this body. I’ve bullied since elementary school. That is why I got the introvert side. I have difficulty to trust other people. I like to have friends, but making sure that my closest friend circle as little as possible. What is my greatest fear? rejection. Writing that word already making me cringe. I hate rejected by people. So all this time, I really try to not begging for something from someone else. What if they reject my request? this is always stuck in my head. I just running my job until I cannot breathe then hoping somebody else will see me so they will offering help. It’s not right, I can feel it. But I’m scare. What should I do to get rid this mindset from my brain..